First blog post. Just getting into this kind of thing, so I'm just going to post what's on my mind.

To take a few lyrics from a song:

"Is it you I want? Or just the notion of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around?"

I don't know if I crave these relationships for the people... Or for the fact that I am really dependent on others. Not dependent as in needing them to do things for me, but as in a companionship kind of way. I've dated someone before whose personality didn't match with mine at all. I guess it was just for the purpose of having someone with me. So now every now and then I find myself asking if my current relationship is for the girl... or, to refer to the lyrics, "the notion of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around?"

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On another topic, but semi-similar, another quote of the song (directly after actually) is:

"It's safe to say from here, you're getting closer now, we're never sad because we're not allowed to be."

Of course I am interpreting this in a way completely different than intended, but it's what's on my mind, and that's the purpose of this, right? This makes me think of the kind of person I am. I get close to new people really closely. Some of my newer friends (you should know who you are) I have gotten closer to than a lot of people I have known for much longer. I guess this could relate back to my above conjecture, about how I feel I need another person's companionship in my life. I guess it applies to friends too. They mean so much to me, I can't express it. They are like my family to me. If I was asked to pick between the two, I wouldn't be able to.

The second part of the lyrics makes me think about another part of my personality. I always make sure I'm there for my friends, with anything that they may want to talk about. Any of their problems, from minor annoyances to major upsets in life, I feel like I need and should be there for them. I like to help people, and I go out of my way for it. I guess you could say I almost have a messiah complex; I think this about myself sometimes. I don't know what to think about it. I think it's the right thing to do, so I do it. After all, I'd want someone there for me as well. And people need people they can trust. I try to be that person, no matter the cost.

I of course could do a better job of this; but there is a limit of what I can do. Part of me doesn't want to find that limit. I'll feel like I can't do anything else for someone. That's probably one of the biggest things that would put me into a depression, other than anything else that would happen to a friend. The other part of me wants to find that limit, so I can help the people to the fullest of my abilities. I'm not sure if I'll like how far I can go though. If it isn't very far... I don't know.

But anyway. That's what's on my mind tonight. I don't know how much I'll really get into this blogging thing... I'd hate to just give up on it after one post. The time is 12:25 AM.

Oh. And to not end this on that depressing note, the next lyrics of the song are a bit more inspirational.

"Rain, rain, go away, come again another day. All the world is waiting for the sun." Show the world the sunshine in your heart.

Goodnight all.